Top 10 Reasons to Buy New Shoes

If you are like me, you never really stop to think why you are buying a new pair of shoes. You are just driven by desire to obtain something new. I remind you that I am a boardline shop-aholic (smile), so my perspective is a little skewed. So, just for fun, let's pretend there is a top ten list, like David Letterman's show features each week. Drum roll please...

Number 10: My favorite shoes are damaged or broken.


Number 9: I still have room for more shoes in my closet.


Number 8: My shoes have been seen by all my friends and co-workers


Number 7: I felt pressured to buy something at the shoe sale.


Number 6: All my shoes hurt my feet. I don't have a comfortable pair.


Number 5: I received an email ad/coupon for the best shoe sale.


Number 4: That other girl's shoes are steeling all the attention.


Number 3: You can never have too many black pumps.


Number 2: I deserve to spoil myself.


Number 1: I need hide my unattractive feet on date night.


What are your top ten reasons? Comment to this post and share with us all. Or, better yet, turn it around and tell us your top ten reason to date someone new!

Who shattered Cinderella’s glass slipper?

If you believe in happy endings STOP READING NOW, because this fairy tale does not have a happy ending.

We all know the first part of Cinderella’s story. She was raised with her step-mother and steps sisters who treated her poorly. In fact, they often made her feel inferior to them and treated her like a servant.  Combined with the loss of her father, Cinderella struggled with her low self-esteem. Nonetheless, despite her home life, she tried to maintain a cheerful disposition and always dreamed of a kinder, gentler world. Then, one day something much unexpected happened, the Prince stopped by her home asking for water. He was so impressed with her hospitality that he invited the family to the King's Ball. It was a special honor to be invited because it was said that the Prince would select a bride from the fair maidens who attended the Ball.

Cinderella so wanted to go to the King's Ball despite her step-mother’s objections. So, she wished and wished until her Fairy Godmother appeared and granted her wish. At the Ball Cinderella was stunning and graceful. She caught the Prince's attention and shared a dance with him. It was love at first sight for them both. They were over joyed until the clock stuck twelve and Cinderella dashed away into the night before the Fairy Godmother’s spell was broken. She did, however, leave behind a glass slipper – one unique shoe.

The next day, the Prince launched a full blown search for the mysterious girl who stole his heart and escaped his grasp. Throughout the kingdom, he traveled trying the shoe on every fair maiden. He had no luck finding a fit until he arrived at Cinderella’s home. Despite the step-mother’s desire to hide Cinderella, she appeared with fresh water for the prince. He demanded that she try the shoe on and what do you know, it fits! It was the answer to all of Cinderella’s prayers. She was rescued from her intolerable situation and rushed away to the Prince’s castle where she and the Prince are quickly married. And we are told that they lived happily ever after.

Well, that’s where the storybook ends. What happens next will surprise you because you never heard the rest of the story.

In the days, weeks and months that followed, Cinderella’s relationships and disposition gradually changed. She grew distant from her family and friends. After constant reminders from the Prince, “your best friends were rodents and your family didn’t appreciate you like I do.” He often explained, “You are with me now and that makes you special. Can’t you see how special you are to me? Surely, you knew these changes would need to occur when you became my Princess?” Then, one day, when Cinderella was feeling home sick, the Prince, in a fit of rage, destroyed her special belongings. “These common rags are unacceptable for my Princess,” exclaimed the Prince. As he breaks the glass slipper, he adds, “And who wears glass slippers, this is so impractical! A Princess should look like this…, wear this…, walk more like this... and only speak when spoken to because...” Cinderella was both shocked and embarrassed by his outburst in front of the King’s court. She felt sadden by the loss of her things and humiliated by his public display but she did not dare object to such a powerful man.

In the days that followed, she stopped pushing back. She just wore whatever he said that she should wear. She spent her free time as he demanded. She gave up the things that she previously enjoyed for the hobbies and social events that were deemed appropriate by the Prince. Even when he monitored her every decision and move, she did not challenge his justification “… it is for your own protection, of course.”

At first, Cinderella had been delighted to have so much attention, especially from a Prince. She knew that she was fortunate that he had hand-picked her. How special to be chosen from the kingdom of women to be his bride. Indeed, she was lucky to have him and should not complain, given her previous station in life. But over time, she began to feel isolated and overly scrutinized by the prince’s attention. She doubted her ability to select her own clothes, to eat the right foods, to say the right things, to act appropriately, and etc. He quickly controlled everything about her day to day life. In fact, she was constantly reminded that her total focus should be on pleasing the Prince – the man who would someday become King.

So, why wasn’t she happy being the Princess? Why did she feel trapped by all the rules? Why couldn’t she find joy in the treasures all around her? What was wrong with her? There were warning signs [shown in red] throughout her relationship which were ignored. Sadly, she didn’t know how to reach out for help and who to tell how she really felt. Surely, she could not reach out to the family and friends that she had been cut off from. She couldn’t confide in his friends because they had his best interest in mind. At last, what was sweet Cinderella to do?

Without intervention from family and friends, Cinderella silently waited for her Fairy Godmother to return and rescue her. Do you know someone who is waiting to be rescued? Like many teens in unhealthy relationships, Cinderella’s most challenging times were never spoken about. Silence and fear were the biggest factors that prevented her full story from being heard. There are thousands of teens in disturbing relationships that don’t know where to turn or what steps to take to end the relationship. That’s why it is critical that we start a conversation and provide opportunities for a graceful exit. We must do something before the crisis gets worst. More importantly, let’s educate the tweens and teens before the drama ever begins. Let teach them how to build healthy relationships and how to ask for help if they find themselves in an abusive relationship. Let's give them the knowledge and power to have control over their own lives.

You may very well be someone’s Fairy Godmother now? She may be wondering why you have not come forward to rescue her as you have done before. While, life may not be a fairy tale, happy endings are possible. Just ask me.

Excuses, excuses! What are your excuses for wearing ill-fitting shoes?

If you are like me, you have a dozen or more excuses for wearing those shoes that hurt your feet. Which have you used before?

• Beauty hurts, my dear, so get over it.
• If they don't hurt, they are not worth wearing.
• They don’t hurt that bad.
• These are sitting shoes, they weren’t made for walking.
• I just have to walk from the house to the car and the car to chair inside.
• I can make it.
• I don’t care how much they hurt, they look good on me.
• They will fit better with socks, stockings, a pad, or a Band-Aid inside.
• Do you know how much these normally cost?
• For this price, I am going to buy them even if they don’t fit.
• It’s the only pair; I am going to buy them even if they are too big/small.
• They don’t hurt if I walk like this…
• For the price I paid, I am keeping these shoes.
• [Insert name] bought me these shoes, I have to wear them.

What other excuses have you used? Share them with us, please. It doesn’t matter what the excuse is, we rationalize it to justify the abuse to our feet. We assert that the damage will only be temporary and the risk/pain is so worth it. The truth is, however, long-term abuse can lead to life-long injuries. Come on, you know this is true. How many of you have seen the movies where the beautiful girl is chastised because of her ugly feet. Some of you can just look down at the deformities that were caused by wearing ill-fitting shoes over an extended period of time. Some of my sisters have had surgeries to shave down the unattractive bulges and bumps on their feet. Others have had corrective surgeries in order to walk again or minimize the constant pain. Let’s face it, we abuse our feet for sports, for dance and for beauty. When will we stop and say, enough is enough? When will we will say NO to abuse, even if the abuse is self-afflicted on our feet?

Let me flip the coin. Yes, my sisters in abusive relationships right now, I am coming for you! I know we have made excuses for staying with angry, controlling, abusive men. I have either said or heard these excuses before, have you?

• But, he loves me.
• You don’t know how sweet he really is to me.
• He makes me feel so good, when he is not angry.
• He’s just under a lot of stress right now.
• We have been together for over xx years now.
• I can’t live without him.
• He doesn’t know how to have a loving relationship.
• I am going to teach him.
• We’re having money problems.
• He doesn’t know how to manage his anger.
• He only acts like that when he’s been drinking/using.
• He was so sweet when we began dating, I don’t know why he changed.
• It’s going to get better when…
• He is getting help for that problem.
• I need to support him right now.
• It’s not that bad. I can handle it.
• He is worth $$$$ or earns $$$$ more than I per month.
• I would be a fool to leave.
• Give up all of this, are you kidding?
• Where would I go and what would I do, if I left him?
• Who is going to help me, financially, emotionally, and physically?
• How do I get out and stay out?

Don’t get me wrong, women can be abusers, too. The gender of the abuser or victim is irrelevant. Abuse of any kind, by anyone, is wrong. It is also a crime in many states. It is time you asked yourself some difficult questions. Why do I make excuses for unacceptable behavior, unbearable living conditions, or physical/emotional injuries? Who taught me to accept this treatment? Why can’t I just say no? What is the worst that can happen if I leave? What is the worst that could happen if I stay? How is this affecting my family/children? Who can I turn to for help? What is my safety plan? Oh, I understand that you have countless more questions. Keep reading, I hope to provide some answers in this blog. But, more importantly, I know people and places where you can get answers, TODAY. I have included a small list below. But, I beseech you to stop making excuses!

Personally, I stopped making excuses when my nine year old daughter asked on the way home from school, after a violent episode the night before, “Mommy, why can’t we just keep driving to somewhere safe? Why do we have to go home?” Within a week, I had sent her to visit my mother, supposedly for the summer. A few weeks later, after another late night attack, I held my tongue until morning. I left for work in the morning with my purse, as if nothing had happened, and never came home again. I went to a women’s shelter where I learned about setting boundaries and healthy relationships. What’s your story? What will it take for you to stop making excuses? What will it take for you to end the abusive relationship? Tell me, what will it take for you to wake up and drive/walk/run to somewhere safe?

What should you look for in a Boy/Girl friend?

Relationships require respect, trust and open communication. Whether you’re looking for a relationship or are already in one, make sure you and your partner agree on what makes a relationship healthy. It’s not always easy, but you can build a healthy relationship. Look for someone who will:
•Treat you with respect.
•Doesn’t make fun of things you like or want to do.
•Never puts you down.
•Doesn’t get angry if you spend time with your friends or family.
•Listens to your ideas and comprises sometimes.
•Isn't excessively negative.
•Shares some of your interests such as movies, sports, reading, dancing or music.
•Isn’t afraid to share their thoughts and feelings.
•Is comfortable around your friends and family.
•Is proud of your accomplishments and successes.
•Respects your boundaries and does not abuse technology.
•Doesn’t require you to "check in" or need to know where you are all the time.
•Is caring and honest.
•Doesn’t pressure you to do things that you don’t want to do.
•Doesn’t constantly accuse you of cheating or being unfaithful.
•Encourages you to do well in school or at work.
•Doesn’t threaten you or make you feel scared.
•Understands the importance of healthy relationships.

Remember that a relationship consists of two people. Both you and your partner should have equal say and should never be afraid to express how you feel. It’s not just about speaking up for yourself -- you should also listen and seriously consider what your partner says.

Every relationship has arguments and disagreements sometimes -- this is normal. How you choose to deal with your disagreements is what really counts. Both people should work hard to communicate effectively.

Source: Loveisrespect.org

What do you do when shoes hurt your feet?

It happens to all of us. We spend all day, or longer, shopping for the perfect pair of shoes. We look at hundreds of them and try on ten or twenty. We are looking for style, versatility, fit, wear, cost, among other things. It is serious business. Some of us even go onto websites, like Nike, and design custom shoes to meet our own style. Some of us look for bargains, we want that perfect out-of-season shoe at the best price possible. Conversely, some of us shop at second hand stores where we can get ten used shoes for the price of one new retail shoe.

No matter where we buy the shoes, we are always disappointed when the shoes does not perform to our expectation. Sometimes the shoes pinch the toe(s). Other times, they rub the heal to form a blister. Or, place too much pressure on the ball of the foot. Some straps cut into our skin with each step. Some don't support our arches enough to be comfortable. Or worst, some shoes just fall apart in public, just when we need them the most. They just break! They break at the seams or the heals pop off. The buckles snaps or the string rips. And there you are, limping out of sight instead of strutting your stuff. Sometimes, we only get a few good wears before the shoe is totally useless. Indeed, when shoes don't live up to their reputation, we are just too frustrated.

The same is true of relationships. In our excitement, we tell all our family friends about the person in our life. We parade him at all our events with family and friends. We make promises to each other and we image a life together forever. Then, when the honeymoon ends, we realize that in our haste we selected the wrong guy. We try hold on to see if things will get better. We make excuses for their short comings. Nonetheless, in the end we have to share the bad news with our family and friends because the relationship did not live up to our expectations. Again, we are so frustrated.

We ask ourselves why we did not see the signs, or why we chose to ignore the early warnings that the relationship was unhealthy. We try to capture lessons learned. Or, we just move on to the next guy. But, I am sure that has never happened to any of my readers. Has it?

What is Like Shopping for Shoes all about? What is the must-have conversation?

Like Shopping for Shoes explores the differences and similarities of shopping for shoes and shopping for relationships. We speak openly and routinely about our shoes to anyone who will listen. If we found a great sale on shoes, we would tell a total stranger without hesitation. If our shoes were uncomfortable, everyone within listening distance would know. Our children spend countless hours on line shopping for the perfect shoe. Some websites allow their shoppers to custom design their own pair, at a higher price, of course.

As parents, we are always talking to our children about which shoes to wear and which shoes to discard. We poke and prod at their footwear to ensure a good fit. We demand they take them off when they stink or become unattractive. If the shoes hurts their feet, we take action! We return them to the store, get rid of them, and/or buy them a new pair. We are relentless in our efforts to protect their feet. Indeed, most of us, are very selective about shoes.

So, why can't the same be said of our efforts to protect our children, teens, young adults, siblings, relatives and friends from unhealthy relationships. When did it become taboo to talk about today's dating rules and healthy relationships? How do we engage in a meaningful way to discuss these essential topics? How do we offer help to those who will not admit that they have a need? How do we educate those who are not seeking education on this topic? Sometimes, it is the ah-ha moments that awaken us to see the truth.

Like Shopping for Shoes provides the tools to start a must-have conversation. The conversation can start with the game, on twitter, or on this blog. It doesn't matter where it starts, it only matters that we all start talking about healthy versus unhealthy relationships. It is time we dedicate as much time and preparation to teaching one another about safe dating rules and healthy relationships, as we do about selecting a pair of shoes.

If the shoe hurts, why do you wear it again?

It is the oddest thing to admit that I have a closet full of shoes, most of which hurt my feet. There it is; I said it out load. Just don’t tell my husband that he was right.

Each day as I scan the rows of shoes, which line the endless shelves of my closet, I contemplate which matching shoes will hurt my feet the least. That’s right, I have shoes in my closet that gave me blisters the last time I wore them. I still have shoes that plainly don’t fit my feet. Some are too big or too small, too wide or too narrow, and others have heals that are too high or too unstable for my age and/or body size. Yet, I hold on to them. Why do I assume that they will fit better or hurt less the next time I wear them? Why do I try to hide the fact that I make poor choices when it comes to buying shoes?

How did I get such a mixed bag of sizes, shapes and colors? Well, some of them were bought on sale, so I could not return them. Some were bought at fancy boutiques and I was just too embarrassed to return them. Some shoes, with the tags still attached, were bought too long ago. I waited too long to try them on and the store return period expired. Nonetheless, there is a common theme; I invested good money in each of these shoes. I have literally spent thousands of dollars on my treasure trove of shoes. So, why would I discard them? What would I have to lose if I gave them away?

With time our memory fades. We forget how badly those shoes treated our feet the last time we wore them. Not having worn them for six months or more, we rediscover them in our closet to be a perfect match with our newest outfit. We feel elated, as if we got a “freebie” when we discover that we already have shoes to match. Ah, the perfect ensemble, at the perfect price, without having to spend any more money for our debut. Even now, it gives me goose-bumps just thinking about it. We try the shoes on in the closet and they feel fine. At last, it is a new day and a new opportunity to show off our finest footwear.

Why does it seem that the shoes fits fine for the first hour or just long enough for us to leave out the front door? Then, just when we are fully engaged in our activity, the pain begins. We try to ignore it at first, talking ourselves through the discomfort, “It’s doesn’t hurt that bad. I can take it.” Before we know it, the aching becomes unbearable. Yet, we still limp along trying to complete our dinner date, business appointment or social event. At some point, our agony becomes evident to others. That’s about the time that we give up the hoax! We take those shoes off and carry them in our hand or put them in our purse. The strangest thing about this ritual, every woman understands her sister’s pain and will empathize with her. Rarely, will we break rank and chastise her for buying ill-fitting shoes. What kind of message are we sending? Is it socially acceptable to make poor shoe choices? Why do we try to normalize this dysfunctional behavior?

This dysfunctional behavior is not limited to just footwear. We often make the same poor decisions with our dates/suitors/spouses. I am not pointing fingers because I resemble this remark. If I reflect back on my past relationships, I have to ask myself, “How did I get such a mixed bag of sizes, shapes and colors?” Why did I hold on to relationships that hurt my mind, body and soul? Why didn’t I discard them easily? Was it because I had invested countess feelings, time and money into the relationships? Was it because I was trying to hide the fact that I make poor choices when it came to selecting partners? Why did I continue to date those who treated me badly the last time I was with them? Why did I try to ignore the pain at first, talking myself through the discomfort, “It’s doesn’t hurt that bad. I can take it.” But, more importantly, why didn’t my sisters break rank and challenge me about my ill-matched partners? What kind of message was their silence sending? Is it socially acceptable to make poor choices? Why did I try to normalize this dysfunctional behavior?

Have you ever reflected on your current, past or future relationship? Have you asked yourself the same questions? Should you ask yourself these questions? Will you be able to handle the answers that you find? Why? Why not? Isn’t it time that we start being honest with ourselves about shoes, first? And, then honest about our relationships?

How do you decide which old shoes to toss?

Conversation Starter
Shopper: How many shoes are too many? How do you decide which old shoes to toss?
Dater: How many dating mementos are too many? How do you decide which keepsakes to toss?

Discussion:
I am planning to move to a new home in the next month. As I think about the number of boxes that I will need, I take stock of my stuff. This is when it dawns on me that perhaps I have too many shoes. I have 12 vertical shelves of shoes and a large pile on the floor of the closet, at any given time. I keep saying that I am going to throw some away, give some to friends or charity. But every shoe has a story, like memories of a night out on the town. The fancy ones tell stories of family vacations or celebrations. The two rows of athletic shoes reflect my intent to start exercising, any day now, but rarely leave the shelf. My summer flip-flops and high-heel sandals remind me that sunny days lie just ahead of winter. My boots beg me for a snow day or an old-fashion rodeo. I am from Texas after all, so I have quite a few boots! The truth is… I have a lot of shoes. So, how many shoes are too many? How do you decide which shoes to toss?

Each year I listen to the organizers on the radio or TV which encourage us to throw away anything that hasn’t been wore in the previous year. That’s seems drastic to me. I know that as soon as I part with my barely worn heals, loafers or tennis shoes, I will need them gain. So, I hold on to everything, too long. Instead, I buy another one of those fancy shoe organizers or add custom shelves to another closet in the house. My husband just laughs at me with his ten or so pairs of shoes. He wears them all routinely until they are completely worn out and then he buys three to four new pairs. It amazes me how easily he can toss those ill-fitting shoes or well-worn shoes in the trash. Why can’t I do that?

The same can be said about out past relationships. How long should we hold on to trinkets, pictures or gifts from our past relationships? How long should we hold on to the good memories and the bad memories? Just like my shoes, each of those things or events tells a story or conjures up past emotions. Is it prudent to have so many reminders to prompt past memories? Is it healthy to have so many things to distract you from your current/new relationship? Where do you put your new memories, if your mind or heart is still in the past? How long is long enough to hold on to past relics? My younger sister once said, “Partners are like bras, you wear them for support. When they stop supporting you, you buy a new one.” I don’t know if she is right or wrong. What do you think? How do you decide which mementos or memories to toss?

Let the truth be known...

Do you recognize these women? They are Rihanna, R&B Pop Star, Robin Givens, Actress, and Bria McDonald, Former Ms. Black Arizona 1990.

We were all stunned by the startling images of superstar Rihanna after her violent confrontation with boyfriend Chris Brown. In the new media that followed, we were reminded of the turbulent times between Robin Givens and Mike Tyson. It remindes us all of an unresolved issue in this country, Domestic Violence. There are millions of women, like Dr. Bria McDonald, who have frightening stories that are never shared. Abuse can cause injury and even death, but it does not have to be physical. It can include verbal and emotional abuse - constant insults, isolation from friends and family, name calling, controlling what someone wears - and it can also include sexual abuse. It can happen to anyone, at any age, regardless of race, religion, level of education, or economic background.

This violent trend also occurs when dating and is growing at a rapid rate, especially among teens. While parents may still be in denial, the data indicates that teenagers often experience violence in dating relationships. Statistics show that one in three teenagers has experienced violence in a dating relationship. In dating violence, one partner tries to maintain power and control over the other through abuse. Dating violence crosses all racial, economic and social lines. Most victims are young women, who are also at greater risk for serious injury. Young women need a dating safety plan. We believe that teenagers can choose better relationships when they learn to identify the early warning signs of an abusive relationship, understand that they have choices, and believe they are valuable people who deserve to be treated with respect. Let's join forces to break the silence and start a national campaign to start "must have" conversations about ending Dating Violence in America.

Do you remember the first pair of shoes that you selected? How much did the shoes cost you?

I can recall the first pair of shoes purchased with own money that I had saved money from working part-time at the local cafeteria. It seems liked so much money, earning thirty dollars or so each week. Yet, after taxes, it was far less than I had expected. Nonetheless, with a little discipline, I saved enough to buy a pair of the most popular style shoe, a suede loafer. The loafers looked like men's shoe: bulky, brown with a flat heal. The wide shoe style did not fit my narrow feet very well. But I had to have a pair. After all, all the cool kids were wearing them. My mother had refused to buy me a pair because they didn't fit my feet or look "becoming on a young lady." So, it was up to me, she said, if I wanted to waste my money on those "clown" shoes. Well, that's exactly what I did. As soon as I could, I bought a pair. I was so proud of myself. I did it, all on my own. I could hardly wait until the next day to wear them to school. However, due to the rain, I had to wait three days before I could safely show off my new suede shoes.

The day finally came, I was wearing my shoes! It was hard walking to school because the shoes kept slipping up and down my heal. By the time I arrive, a blister had started to form. I refused to give up the fight. I limped from class to class, smiling each time my classmates commented on my new shoes. All the while, I couldn't wait to take them off as I slid into my seat upon entering each class. The lunch time hour was the greatest challenge because the new shoes prevented me from joining in our usual game of tag. I just sat and watched. Then, the unthinkable happened, my hot dog with ketchup and mustard slipped out of my hands. Without a moments notice, my new shoes were stained. I could not believe it. My mother had warned me that suede was probably not the best texture for school shoes. At last, she was right! The mess got worst when I tried to wash them off in the girls bathroom. Once wet, the shoes became a dust and dirt magnet. With every step, the shoes became more and more filthy. By the end of the school day, I took the shoes off and walked home barefooted. I felt defeated! I had made not only a bad decision, but a costly choice, too. Too ashamed to admit to my mother that she was right and I was wrong, I hid those loafers in the back of my closet and never wore or spoke of the again (until now).

With every first time event a memory is etched into your long-term memory. The details of that event stick with you, even thirty five years later. As with the memory of the loafers. I can still smell the fresh suede, feel the softness of its texture and recall emotionally my excitement of the purchasing experience. However, I can equally remember the pain of that blister and the shame of not taking my mother's advice. The same is true of other first time events in our life, such as our first kiss, boyfriend, date, intimate relationship, and the first heartbreak. The moral of this story is we should be reminded that we always remember our first of everything. We should be advised to stop and think before we create memories that we don't want to recall later.

Ask yourself how this story can apply to your relationships. Do you sometimes date partners because it is the popular thing to do? Do you take all the factors into consideration before you make your selection? What do you do when you realise that you have made a poor decision? What do you do when a relationship hurts? After the relationship is over, what do you do with those feelings? Those memories? Do you grow from the lessons learned to build stronger relationships in the future?

Why do I keep shoes that I won't wear?

Gazing at the bottom of my closet, again, it is obvious that I still have shoes that I haven't worn in years. I question, "Why do I continue to keep shoes that I can't or won't wear anymore?"

I keep some of them up front, so I can see them each day. I have hopes that today will be the day I start wearing them again. I tell myself, "these shoes were too expensive to just sit here in the closet." My favorite $500 pair of "Jimmy Choo's" shoes come to mind. They are beautiful to the eye. They are the perfect accessories to any dress. They are the kind of shoes that draw everyone's attention to my legs and feet. This is a desired effect when you are single with long, firm, brown legs (at any age). So, why don't I wear them more often? The truth is, the extreme arch that is created by the height of the narrow heal, which places all my weight on the balls of my feet, is excruciatingly painful after just 15 minutes of standing. Plainly put, these shoes are made for sitting only! Any other activity, beyond finding your seat, would result in the kind of despair that you can't hide. Consequently, the shoes rarely leave the my closet, and almost never leave out the front door.

Conversely, there are those shoes that I keep in the back of my closet. They are not so attractive, but oh so comfortable. These shoes are most likely to have an odd color or atypical texture. They only match one outfit, and sometimes you have to stretch to make them palatable with that one outfit. The heals are low, the toes are wide and the soles are thick. There is nothing sexy about these shoes. They just feel good. So, why don't I wear them more often? The answer is simple, I want to look as perky as possible. These shoes, conversely, are a dead give away that I am over forty (LOL). Besides, no one under that age was even around when they were for sale in the stores.

So, why can't I separate myself from these shoes? I need to let go of the past, in some cases. I need to come face to face with the fact that I made a poor choice (purchase), in other cases. Either way, I need to remove the clutter in my closet to make room for the new shoes to come. I need to learn from both the good and bad experiences with shoes. I don't need to stop wearing shoes. I just need to be more clear about my motives to buy shoes in the future. Lastly, I need to keep the comfort and the health of my feet at the forefront of all my footwear decisions. Specifically, I need to put my needs first! So, join me in a commitment to throw away all those shoes the you can't or won't wear anymore.

The same evaluation could be made regarding the partners in our lives. Why do we keep partners around that no longer fit our life style? Why can't we stop seeing those partners that hurt us emotionally or otherwise? Why do we keep some memories of past relationships at the forefront of our conversations? Why do we measure our worth based on the aesthetic value or status of our relationships? Why can't we just agree to become more educated shoppers in the future? Are we ready to let go of some of the clutter in our closet, yet?

Why do I have so many shoes?

Each morning I look into my closet and see so many shoes. I wonder where they all came from. Then I quickly remember, each shoe has attached to it a story, an outfit, an event or an emotion. This adds to the difficult choice of what shoe to wear for the day. If it is a fancy shoe, that will exclude it from all my casual outfits. If it is cold or rainy day weather shoe, that will eliminate it from being worn on sunny days. If it reminds me of a negative experience, I might try to avoid it when my spirits are high. On the contrary, I might cling to it, like a security blanket, when I want to feel sorry for myself. Then, there are those shoes, clearly outdated, that remind me of a time when I was young, carefree, and starry eyed. I can't wear them comfortably anymore, as my shoe size has changed with age. Besides, I am certain that the fashion police would surely arrest me before I made it half way down the block. So, I keep them in clear plastic shoe boxes and glaze up at them on the closet shelf from time to time. At last, after thirty minutes of this mental exercise, my watch beckons for a decision if I am going to make it to my next appointment on time. Oh boy...which shoe should I wear? And why do I have so many shoes, again? To tell you the truth, I am a little bit embarrassed to admit the actual number of shoes. Let's suffice it to say, I could go months without wearing the same shoe twice. Let me also admit, there a few shoes that I wish I had left behind in the store. You know what some say, "If the shoe fits, wear it!" While others claim, "I have never met a shoe that I didn't like!" I would like to add to the chorus, "Don't take home every shoe you try on."

Dating and relationships are kind of like the shoes in your closet. Can you identify with any of the "shoe" cliches above? Do you ever wonder where they all came from? Is it true that each relationship memory has attached to it a story, an outfit, an event or an emotion? If true, then how do you decide which relationship ought to be active or non-active in your day to day life? Do you make your decisions based on the weather, the upcoming events, or emotional context clues? Do you hold on too long to relationships that don't fit your current needs, desires, or stage in life? How much time do you spend thinking about your relationships: past, present and future? In which area of your relationship selection do you need guidance? Would you like a "do over" when it comes to your relationship selection history?

What kind of shoes do you like?

Tell us about your preferred size(s)? Colors? Heals (short/high)? Practical, flashy, economical, expensive, etc.?

Where do you shop for shoes?

Do you prefer shopping at the Department Store? Second-hand store? Discount Store? Flea Market? Internet? Where? Tell us about your typical quest for shoes...

What information do you use to make your dating selections?

Girls, can we talk about our love for shoes? If we had the space and the money, let’s face it, we would own hundreds of shoes! Really! Tell me you don’t get a rush when you walk into a mega-shoe store like DSW? It is exciting, overwhelming, yet so stimulating! Couldn’t you spend hours just looking and trying on shoe after shoe? Admit it, the shoes make the outfit! Even the plainest dress will look fabulous if you wear the perfect pair of shoes. Your oldest jeans and a t-shirt are hot with the right boots. Your whole attitude can change just by switching your shoes. You know that I am right. For fun, just fill in the blanks to complete the following sentences: I can be funky in my _________ shoes, PHAT (pretty hot and tempting) in my _________ shoes, playful in my ________, casual in my ___________, arrogant in my ___________, or comfortable in my ____________. Why do we all love shoes? Let me quote a famous line from a movie, “clothes make me look fat, but shoes always fit perfectly!”

I remember watching each of my daughters discover that there was something “magical” about their feet very early on. Upon hearing the news that, “It’s a girl”, my mind leaped with joy. I thought mostly about all of the frilly things that I would be able to buy for them. Like the other mothers, I couldn’t wait to adorn their feet with ruffle socks and dainty shoes in every color of the rainbow. As visitors came to greet each new baby girl, they reinforced the importance of her shoes. Much attention was spent wiggling her feet and commenting about those “cute little shoes!” By the end of their first year, each daughter was introduced to the function of shoes as she learned to walk. Her shoes gave her the extra support she needed to gain freedom to roam around the house. They empowered her to walk with confidence and eventually to run without fear. By age two, my daughters had surmised that shoes came in different colors, shapes and sizes. They soon developed their own sense of style, likes and dislikes. My oldest loved the bright primary colors, while my youngest only wanted pastels. Both girls became increasingly harder to shop for as the year went on. I often wondered, what had they learned about shoes and what information were they using to make their selections? As they approached their dating years, I wondered the same thing, "What had they learned about dating? How were they making their selections?

How do you decide who to date and who to marry?

Who would have imagined that I would find myself dating again over the age of 40? OK, at age 45…alright, closer to 50 years old? The world had changed after the divorce; the children were now old enough to ask questions. Where are you going? And, who are you going out with? How long will you be gone? How well do you know this guy? Be careful, it is dangerous out there! These were the questions and the cries of my older children. My preteen daughter, on the other hand, was far more curious about this “thing called dating.” She wanted to share her theories and to test them out on me. I feared that I was much too old for counseling, but life has a way of continuously teaching us all despite our age.

For months I tried discretely to hire the babysitter and proclaim that I would be going out for the evening. I deflected the questions regarding my itinerary by posing rhetorical questions like, “hey who’s the parent here?” Then the day came, when my 10 year old bluntly asked that most difficult question of all, “How do you decide who to date and who to marry?”